Sleep Divorce: What Is It? And Should You Try It?
We admit, when we first heard of the term “Sleep Divorce” the term seemed rather like click bait. We say this because the term sounds much more emotionally distancing than it actually is. Many very happy couples are choosing to better their relationships by choosing to sleep separately. We are going to go over what sleep divorce really means and the many ways it could potentially help your sleep and married life. Keep reading to learn more.
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What is Sleep Divorce?
If you have made it to this post and you are still unsure of what the term Sleep Divorce really means, then you are not alone. It is often a concerning name for something that has actually been practiced by many happy couples for many decades.
While sleeping side by side has many connotations of a happy romantic couple, the truth is that it can be difficult to sleep next to one another. Sleep apnea machines, snoring, blanket hogging, different sleep schedules and habits can make it rather difficult to get the sleep you need while sharing a bed. Sleep divorce is a concept where you sleep separately. Whether in different beds or entirely different rooms.
Wondering whether it is sleep apnea or just snoring? Then you may enjoy reading our post: Sleep Apnea vs Snoring: How To Tell The Difference
Reasons to Sleep Separately
If you are skeptical about sleeping separately from your partner, you are not alone. Being in bed together every night does have the potential to bring two people closer together.
However, there are a number of situations were sleeping separately can greatly improve your sleep. Below is a list of some of the most common reasons why many couples choose to have a sleep divorce.
- Different Sleep Schedules
- Conflicting Sleeping Habits
- Medical Needs
- Sleep Apnea Machines
- Light Sleepers – Less Sleep Disruptions
- Different Mattress Preferences
- Conflicting Bedding Preferences
- Different Temperature Preferences
- Conflicting Nightly/Morning Habits
Want to know more about the effects of not getting enough sleep? Then you may enjoy reading our post The Importance of Sleep to learn more.
Concerning Reasons To Sleep Apart
While there are many healthy reasons to choose to sleep apart, that can actually bring a couple closer together.
There are also some reasons that could be less about getting great sleep, and potentially more concerning to your relationship. This is something to absolutely discuss with your partner before choosing a sleep divorce.
For many couples, choosing to sleep separately is a very personal and serious decision to make. It can take a lot of compromising along with loads of communication in order to ensure both parties are feeling heard, loved, and supported. Discussing this option with the help of a mediator like a couples therapist may help you both determine if it is the right choice for you as a couple.
How to Discuss Sleep Divorce With Your Partner
Bringing up the idea of getting a sleep divorce can be scary. You want to make sure you have the conversation when you are not in an exhausted or frustrated state of mind as it may come off as vindictive or that you simply want to be away from your partner.
Instead, sit down with your partner and first discuss some of the issues you have been having getting to sleep. This may even include issues that your partner may be having as well. This is a great way to start off the conversation of test driving the idea of sleeping in different beds or different bedrooms.
We actually suggest staying away from the term “sleep divorce” as it naturally has negative connotations. Instead, simply discuss the concept of sleeping in a different bed or bedroom in order to get better sleep.
How To Stay Connected During A Sleep Divorce
Naturally, sleeping in a different bedroom can potentially take a tole on physical and emotional intimacy. Which is why it is vital if you are going to test drive a sleep divorce with your partner, that you make extra efforts to stay connected.
Once tactic we have heard couples trying is to have a set time every day to connect. Whether it is coming together in the early morning for snuggling and spending time together, or in the evening before going your separate ways for bed. It is important to set aside some one-on-one time, even if it is just for discussing your day. This one-on-one time is a great way to stay connected as a couple, especially if you are not getting the pillow talk of falling asleep side by side.
Looking to keep your bedroom feeling romantic? Check out our post: How To Make Your Bedroom More Intimate
How To Avoid a Sleep Divorce (If You Want To)
If you and your partner are considering a sleep divorce, but you would prefer to avoid it. Then there are things you can try to fix your sleep struggles before attempting to sleep apart. Sit down as a couple and very openly discuss the sleep issues you are both having. Try to be open to hearing your significant other’s concerns, and try to express your own without casting judgment or being hurtful towards your spouse.
Then work together to see if there is anything you can do together in order to try and make things easier on one another. This will vary drastically depending on what your combined issues are.
Whether it is working on being more considerate when getting out of bed for your night shift, turning off the tv at night, or finding a way to help your snoring. There are many different options to try and make sleeping side by side more enjoyable for both of you. Working together on this may help you to avoid having to sleep separately.
If you’re looking to stay in the same bed, then you might want a mattress made for couples. Check out our list of Best Mattresses For Couples.
Can A Sleep Divorce Really Work?
While it can be difficult to adjust to, and it is untraditional by today’s standards, a sleep divorce can absolutely work. If you speak to happily married elderly couples, many of them have chosen to sleep separately after sometime.
When you really think about the fact that most of the time while we are asleep, we are unconscious, there is not a lot of quality time we are missing with one another. It is the time we are awake right before going to sleep and when we wake up that is really the important bonding time.
This time can easily be made up at another time of day if you are dedicated to connecting with one another. Which is truly what is important in a relationship. If you need to sleep in different beds for the foreseeable future or even just for a few nights to catch up on sleep, discuss it with one another in order to determine what works best for you as a couple.
Sleep Divorce – Should You Try It?
This is a question that truly only you and your significant other can determine the answer to. What we can tell you is that choosing to sleep separately does have the potential to help couples get the sleep they need. If you both decide together to try a sleep divorce, and make the combined effort to spend time together outside of sleep to connect and spend time together. Then it can be a wonderful way to get the rest you need, while staying connected with the one you love.
Have your tried or are trying out Sleep Divorce with your partner? We would love to hear all about it. Send us an email through our Contact Us page, we would love to hear from you.